I know that no family is perfect and that they all have their own issues.. But still I can't help but think that mine is particularly messed up.
I bring this up because it's been on my mind a lot lately. Last I heard from my brother he was a month sober of meth, pills, pot, everything. Of course his brain hasn't actually dried out yet. It'll take a year or two before that really happens.
This is a good thing. A really really good thing. I'm so proud of him for doing it, but it made me think. I can't really remember a time when he was sober. We weren't raised together so I didn't see him that often but his dad was getting him high even as a kid.
I really don't know my brother. I know my wasted brother and my high as a kite brother. And I know my brother when he hasn't slept in a few days 'cause he's been doing meth. I don't really know him.
He's 26 and I'm a few months short of 23 and I don't have any idea who he is. It breaks my heart, to be perfectly honest with all you dAers that happen to read this.
I guess you could call it bad luck on my part 'cause it's the same story with my mother. I have never known her straight. She's always been on something. We had the best Christmas this year because, as my brother said, it was the first Christmas that she didn't throw the tree out the front door. It was funny, but it was an honest statement. She is the most stable now that I've seen her.. but just a few months ago she was tripping something fierce.
Sometimes it's so frustrating.. and frightening.
He's a stranger to me. It has been easy my whole life. He was just my drug-addicted older brother. He was rarely around. That's what I'm used to. It feels like my family is going to be invaded by this stranger.
How awful is that?
It's not that I would rather him stay high for the rest of his life.. but it's just scary. Meeting someone knew even though you've known them your whole life.